I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
