Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
