Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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