How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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