saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This toilet bowl is my home.
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