Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
