I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
