Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
