I think I died a long time ago.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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