There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
