so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
