Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We smell like vodka and hangover
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