1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
