I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
