Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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