yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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