Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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