Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
