I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize