He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have post one night stand depression
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
