I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
