How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
