I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
