he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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