Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
