I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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