I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
