I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
