The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
