Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize