i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
