This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
