I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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