its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
