Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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