I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
