it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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