Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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