I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
