puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
