Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
