The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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