Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
