And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
