the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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