i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
