We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
