oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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