Porn is love you can see.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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