This girl is more easily done than said...
I can text with my tongue
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
