How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
