mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
