Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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