No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
