it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
