I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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