he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
