you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
