Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize