I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
