It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
