Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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