Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
