did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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