I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
