One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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