The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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