But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
