I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
