Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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