have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
