I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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